Best Man’s Speech
I’d like to thank Lindsay & Rob for allowing me the opportunity to come up here and speak. I hope you don’t mind that I’m dressed somewhat different. When Rob asked me to be in his wedding party I asked what should we wear. He said “man, if this one makes it to the altar you could wear a dress for all I care.”
For those who don’t know me, my name is Ryan, and I’m the best man.
*pull on lapels*
And I’m trying to do a good of it. Rob said that if I do a really good job, I can be the best man at his next wedding! (I’ve been using that joke for a week now, and I never get tired of it.)
Rob had asked me to be his best man several months back, and it wasn’t until a couple weeks ago I realized what might come along with that responsibility – making THE speech. So, on our last phone conversation I asked him if I should expect to speak, to which he replied: “that sounds like a Lindsay question.” Sounds like you’re learning early to defer to your wife.
Lindsay, do me a favour. Put your left hand, palm up, on the table. Now Rob, put your right hand, palm down on hers. Just hold it there for a few.
Now in doing research for this speech, I wanted to familiarize myself with the catholic style of weddings and happens in them. And the websites I came up with all focussed around 3 important items in the ceremony:
· The aisle
This is the ‘long walk down’. Everybody gets to see the bride.
· The altar
This is where the marriage vows and communion are taken and they are pronounced officially married in the sight of God.
· The hymn
This is a sort of prayer, that signifies celebration of the joyous couple.
It seemed to make sense. And it was relieving to learn that Lindsay had been reading from the same pages I was, because as she was walking down with Garth in tow, I could see her mouth the words: “AISLE… ALTAR… HYMN… , AISLE. ALTAR. HYMN,… “ *repeat and speed up for effect*
Now, according to Rob, we met in highschool. I must admit, I don’t really recall. What I do recall is when I was looking for a job, he was the one ushering me into Radio Shack for an interview. Working with Rob there, those were some good times.
Rob, do you think they ever found that banana?
It was here that Rob & Lindsay started their courtship. She always popping for a visit. Dropping off cookies, cakes or whatever it was she had baked that day. I think we ALL benefited from her stopping in. Rob, he gained himself a beautiful wife… I gained 30lbs. Thanks Lins. *pat belly*
So Rob and I worked together at Radio Shack for some time, until he decided to up and leave to work for Sears. And again, he got me to go in for an interview there as well. Good thing Rob didn’t become also teacher, or else I’d look like a stalker.
But working together at Sears was also a good experience. It was like working with God…
you barely saw him,
he was “holier than thou”
and if he did ANY work… it was a bloody miracle
But really, he was a good worker. When you gave him a job to do, he went to town to do it right. Like that time he bought 3 bags of those Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Those he finished with ferociousness.
Rob was also the guy that introduced me to Law & Order, Pulp Fiction, and generally any Samuel Jackson flick. We acquainted me with bands like Sloan, Ramones, the Tragically Hip (do you remember dancing on the speakers at Armani’s to “Blow At High Dough”?)… so to my friends and family – he’s the one you can blame. If you’ve ever been annoyed by my constant repetition of movie quotes, or lines from songs, come on up here and meet the master.
There are many stories I could retell while I’m up here. But I don’t think this’d be the time ‘nor place. Just ask him next you want some hilarity about his “when I slept in a fridge” story, or “which bathroom did I fall asleep in this time”, or any of the many famous “K-car” ones. My favourite tho’, still has to be the “would you come to a wine and cheese party with me?” story.
But we’re not here to retell old tales. We’re here to congratulate this happy couple on the next big step in their life.
And if I can just pass on 3 things that I was told when I was getting married:
1. A marriage should be 50/50
Rob, you need to realize that anybody who believes that, they know little about women, and even less about fractions.
2. The four words you’ll ever need from on:
“Yes, dear. I’m sorry!” But keep in mind, that when Reg taught me that, it’s to come with the accompanying abasing head movement.
3. “To keep a marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong, admit it; and when you are right, shut up.”
Oh, and if you were wondering why I had you put your palms on the table like that, well, Rob, I just wanted to get for the last time the feeling of what it’s like to have the upper hand.
I’d just like to end by toasting the bride and groom. But before I do, I’d like to say some lines from a song to the groom. This song was written many years ago, but the lyrics, I believe, are still meaningful today.
“She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And with a love like that, you know you should be glad.”
And in the words of Groucho Marx
“here’s to the prettiest, here’s to the wittiest, here’s to the truest of all who are true, here’s to the neatest one, here’s to the sweetest one, here’s to them in one – *turn to crowd* here’s to you “
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bride and groom – Rob & Lindsay Rickards. Slainte
