why my name is mud

Why I am my wife's bitch...

-by Ryan Moore

 

So, if you've noticed my MSN name lately, it's "MUD."  And this is not some sort of acronym or anything.  I'm literally mud right now in the eyes of my wife.  You've heard the expression "man, my name is mud unless I get those reports done on time."  That pretty much sums it up.  Let me try to explain the how and the why of it.

 

So Friday Jarron really wanted to get together and have a 'get together,' something relaxed, and what not as he was dog sitting this weekend.  I made plans to get there around 9, I even msg'd Jarron to see what time he wanted people over.  Regan calls around 8pm to say "get over here soon and we can start partyign it up."  That's when I see the msg Jarron sent back "we're goign to go party PA style."  Apparently "PA style" means going bar to bar.

 

So when I get to Jarron's we settle on taking a cab to the first bar (Mad House) and hang out there for a bit.  Seeing as we didn't really run into people we knew, we headed off from there to Lot 66 (which was a cold walk I'll tell you).  Apparently Stef (Regan's friend) knew the manager of the bar.  There was a birthday party going on there, and therew as this big card where pepole signed.  Jarron had to sign it.  At this point, Brandy and Eilidh met up with us and joined in the foray about PA side.

The 3rd bar was going to be Wiseguys, but it looked more like a club... and there was a line up, so we passed it by.  Kept heading on and ended up at T&A's.  I really like this place.  Always a good atmosphere, and never TOO crazy.  We met up with Karen, Julie and Kari.  Kari asked me to go talk to Mr. Caccamo about the "hallowe'en penis victim" for her.  I don't know if I really should... but it sounds fun.  After that we decided to move along to the last bar of the night (Jack's).

 

Jack's wasn't all that exciting (except for 2 rounds of foosball).  After that we decided to head on out... walking up the street Brandy was having trouble walking, so I carried her for a bit (she didn't like that).  Not sure what to do now, we decided to go on into Wiseguys (there was no lineup anymore).  This wasn't a great idea... i don't like clubs.  I don't dance, and I'm never dressed properly.  Not that I care what the skanks in those bars think anymore... just you feel out of place.  Plus, I ran into an ex-student of mine... very awkward.  Well, what was more awkward was Brandy getting really smashed and throwing up on the floor.  Less awkward was getting Eilidh to watch the lesbians behind us on the dance floor and get her to tell me when they make out so I can look.  heh  - tho' I think it was probably awkward for E to do so.

 

After we took Brandy out of the bar (just ahead of the bouncers) we decided to cab it back to Jarron's.  At Jarron's we took care of Brandy and put her into a bed, then played a few games of pool.  That always is fun... nto that I ever get good at pool... just it's fun.  Especially when you unexpectedly make the shot you wanted to.  After a few games Jarron convinced me to take a few minutes rest on his couch.  Probably a good idea not to drive so tired at 5am or so.

 

Now this is where I become mud...

 

I wake up at about 6:40... I wasn't sure o fth etime as Jarron's clocks that I saw didn't quite agree with each other.  Then I looked for my phone: it had an alarm to wake me at the proper time, plus it could tell me the appropriate time, and let me know if my wife had called.  It took me a while to find it... had to find Jarron's phone so that I could call it and locate it.  Turns out that the clocks were accurate.  So I called home.  I had promised Mandy I would be home for 6:30 so she could get to work on time.  No answer at home, so I just DRIVE.  Drive much faster than I should have.  I'm home by 7:15.  She has already left.  I decide to call her work... decide against it... I dont' want to get her in trouble by making personal calls etc... She leaves me a txt msg on my phone "...your extremely PISSED OFF wife..." so I decide not to call her work.  That would only exacerbate the problem.

 

So I sorta put it off for a while.  I had some other work to do for the day... and just didn't call her.  Figured that I would be the last person she wanted to talk to.  Turns out that that wasn't a good idea.  She was concerned... wanted to make sure I wasn't dead from last night or something.  So now I'm doubly in trouble.  [can't win for losing, eh?]

 

Later on in the day after we are on talking terms, she mentions a craft fair.  I wasn't quite sure where she was going with this, but then mentions "oh, you're coming... after all, you are my bitch now!"

 

So there you have it... I have become my wife's bitch.  I think it's starting to lessen... but despite how angry she was with me, the worse is how I feel myself.  I really hate to let people down.  I can't wait until I can make that time machine and go back in time and fix these stupid mistakes I keep making.

 

I've thought about trying to buy my way out of it, but that usually makes things 2x as worse as it was before.  So I need to do something else... any suggestions?