Crushed

I've been sitting here ever since the staff meeting this afternoon.  Trying to think of what to write... Obviously I have a lot to write... but what.  The trickiest part was how I felt.  I'm kind of numb about it, but that's not exactly true.  How does it effect me?  The correct adjective was hard to find.  I think finishing reading Canticle for Leibowitz has sort of helped me find that proper word.  In the end of thebook Abbot Zerchi tries running out of of the church when an explosion occurs and he gets crushed by all the rubble.  That's sort of how I feel right now.  Crushed.  Some huge terrible thing has happened and it is beyond my powers to be able to do anything.  Beyond anybody's powers to do anything.  What this means for me is hard to say.  The trickiest part I'm having here is what to do.  Because I don't know what it means for me, I'm usnure of what to do.  Now am I really unsure of what to do, or just because I'm afraid to do something.  My whole life I've been too afraid to shit or get off the pot kinda thing.  I hesitate and because I do i miss out.  I really am clueless right now.. and crushed.